Monologue of Lizzie Borden⚒

http://youtu.be/TV7CW7_Xq_c

Last blog!!!!!!!!!!

This acting class gave me an amazing opportunity for lots of things. I had my ups and downs but experience is the thing that actually matters. I can doubtedly count all the things I learned for the past four months. I've never done acting before accept for the first roles in kindergarten but I don't think that counts. It's officially the first time when I knew what I was doing and it had a meaning and a purpose. I've gone a long way since I started this academic year. Being scared pretty much all the time I pushed myself and extended my limits as far as I was capable to. Also I met new talented people who were incredibly helpful and supportive by giving their feedbacks after every performance which gave me new perspective and improved my scenes, movies, monologues, dialogues, plays. All of that helped me to overcome, help and find myself during the process of acting. 

I remember myself in first few weeks I came to Cheshire. Everything was so new, different and scary. New environment made a huge impact. I felt a little lost and uncomfortable but it wasn't unexpected. No. I was preparing myself for this change for years. I knew what I was doing. I signed up for this myself no matter how many times people told me that I can't do it. They said that I didn't understand, that it's better to stay home and be safe. It's easier - yes, but not better. I knew that I would never forgive myself for staying, for hiding behind my parents, home, everything that was safe. And then I left. And I haven't regretted it for a second even when I was terrified to death. I just simply knew that I couldn't give up now, that I have to fight for what I believe in. And I still do. Every. Single. Day. 

Acting was always something I was afraid of. It was my dream for so long it stopped being something real to me. It was easier not to do anything because then I could never fail. The thin is that I always had a feeling that I could be good at performing. I loved it when I was honored to play main roles in elementary school and I also spent seven years in a musical school playing in all the concerts in the city and participating in annual contests which I was good at partly because I looked natural on a stage smiling and using the body language even at the most difficult parts of plays. But it wasn't acting and was easier that way. However, when I came to Cheshire I finally had a chance to perform. I'm not the one to evaluate myself but I think I was pretty good. I performed showing everything I've got every time. Sometimes I transformed into the role that well I couldn't even get out of it. Like the monologue about Peter Pan 911 service. It was the weirdest feeling. At first, I couldn't remember how I was playing at all because it wasn't me at that moment but my character. And later I didn't feel lie myself for some time. It was very strange but I loved it. I don't know why but I felt like it was something I was meant to be doing. I don't think I'm capable of forgetting that feeling. 

I believe this acting course was something I needed for a long time. I did things that I felt good about especially when it was scary as hell. Few months ago I would run away of only a thought of posting something that I wrote on a blog or writing 500 words in only one day. I would have never imagined that I would be performing a shallow girl, an old lady playing bingo, a drunk, a traumatized women, a crazy person. I would like to thank for this opportunity my awesome classmates and of course my teacher, Ms. Guarino, who made this all happen and was there every step of the way! I don't know what is going to be next for me in acting but I have a feeling that it's only the beginning and how turned out my intuition doesn't tend to be mistaken. 

Mental problems + axe = Lizzie Borden

This week I'm preparing for my final acting assessment. It definitely puts some pressure because everything should go perfect. However, I'm also super excited because this time I will be performing a monologue by Lizzie Borden. She was a women who lived in the 19th century. The best part is that she killed her father and step mother with the axe at the same day. She obviously had some mental issues, many mental issues I would say, and that factor attracts me the most. I always find normal people to be boring. They are too predictable and too simple. Weird and crazy people, on the contrary, are so much more deeper and difficult. Lizzie Borden was one of those extraordinary people, and to play her I have to discover what had happened in her little pretty head so that she murdered her family in cold blood. 

When I need to play a person, I prefer to do the research and dig deeper in order to know what he/she looks like. It's important for me to understand the character in and out. A very difficult thing for me in this case is a huge time gap between me and Lizzie Borden. People from her time period always seem unreal to me. The way of dressing up, talking, even moving makes it harder to perform naturally. I tried putting up an old-fashioned skirt and walking with an extremely straight back. I think it helped me to personalize the character and feel the atmosphere of the 19th century. 

I don't feel very comfortable with blocking the monologue. Monologue is the form of acting when not a lot of movements are made. That means that all the moves can't be thoughtless. Every single step should be purposeful and logical. I'm used to moving instinctively but my instincts don't always serve me well. And, therefore, I can't risk it in my monologue which happened to be my final assessment. I read the monologue over and over in order to establish steps and movements. Plus my class is being awesomely supportive and helpful as usual and gives tones of useful advises. So, hopefully, I'll be fine on a stage. 

All of my small hardships, of course, can't be compared with the point that I will actually be playing a murderer. A psycho, mentally unstable cold-hearted killer. She murdered people. I never did. So, basically, it's easier to reach the moon than to understand Lizzie and her decisions. But that's the point of acting, right? To make yourself believe who you are even if it's not who you really are. Just for several minutes imagine that you are capable of taking somebody's life. It's a very scary and challenging task but it's worth it. If I can do this, if I can make the audience believe me, if they shudder with horror, I will develop and stretch myself as an actor. For now I'm the one who is terrified. It's everything or nothing. Huge success or tremendous failure. I will have to use all of my acting capabilities for the full. Do everything I can. And just breath. 

Reflection on a monologue

Lizzie Borden - an American women who killed her father and stepmother with an axe. She had some mental issues. It was never proven that she was a killer but all the evidence show that it was her. I will be reading a monologue when Lizzie was about to kill her stepmother. I will be standing in the middle of the stage and will perform everything using only my body and facial language. I decided to do this monologue because I think it's a very interesting and challenging character who obviously has a mental disease. For my costume I will use the dress from the 19th century. For blocking I will be making some steps around the stage but mostly I will be staying still. Personally, I think it can be a great performance if I am able to get to know the character enough to become her. It will be a challenge for me because our views are very different and I'm not mentally ill as she was. 

Improvise!😱☺️🙄🤔

For me improvisation has always been the most fascinating thing in the world of acting. I love how actors can put themselves out on a stage and start interacting with other actors from a spot without any preparation. It's amazing how some people don't need a piece of paper to give a speech in front of the auditory. It looks so much more naturally than a person starring at his/her note for the whole speech. But at the same time I have been avoiding it for a very big part of my life. If you ask me I'll tell you why: because any kind of improv makes me uncomfortable. I don't like talking about it because it's my weakness and nobody wants to talk about his/her weaknesses. When I'm put into conditions where I have to act without knowing what my next line will be I start panicking. It, of course, depends on who surround me at that moment. I'm a person with a low self-esteem and always have a feeling that everything I say is stupid and nobody would be interested in what I have to say. I'm not proud of that. Not at all. I'd love for this feeling to go away but it's not as simple as it seems. I've been working on this for a long time and I still do every single day. There are good days when I step up and improve a lot. But there are bad days when I feel like I'm failing no matter what I do, and it's not even worth it. The point, in my opinion, is to keep going, keep struggling, keep overcoming yourself until you get what you want. 

This week I had an opportunity to try myself in improvisation. It was hard, as usual. The hardest part is always to start when your body is practically forces you to run away with all possible ways. The best thing to do is just relax and breath. That's what I did. Just breath. I was glad with people around me at that moment. I was already used to acting in front of them. And they weren't people who would judge me. I wouldn't do it if I were in other environment. At some point it stops being so excruciatingly scary and became just a game which proved that all of that was  just in my head. 

If you look at improv without being terrified  to death, it's a very interesting process. It's also very useful not only in acting sphere but in life in general. The ability to improvise develops mind and fasten reactions. Such skills help to reach  any goal, overcome any difficulty, quickly find the right solution in extreme situation. Communication with people is another advantage of improvisation. Knowing how to improvise makes you understand the  behavior of certain people and how to reflect on anything they can say. To conclude, improvisation skills are valuable no matter what angle you're looking at. I hope to learn how to improv and use all the perks of it. 

Improv troupe

http://youtu.be/NoAGNbfiez8

Reflection on Peter Pan

This Friday I was lucky to watch the premier of the original performance of Peter Pan. It lasted longer than two hours I'm sure took a tremendous amount of work from the whole crew. To be honest, I don't have a lot to compare it with anything else because I've never seen any shows made in high school. However, from my perspective the show was a great success! I can infinitely praise the work of actors because all of them were awesome. I was surprised how a girl can play a boy so naturally you wouldn't ever think somebody else could have been on her place. Erin played Peter Pan as a real boy who passionately refuses to grow up. I notice a lot that most of the actors in movies tend to have the same facial expressions in all their roles. Well, it wasn't the case with Charlotte who was so different in both of her roles: the mother of Wendy and the Captain Hook. I guess that the most difficult part was to put all the pieces like lightning, sound, technical things and scenes together in the play but the directors and managers did an awesome job in only three months! However, some lightning problems could be seen by the audience. It was their first performance and it could be understandable. As far as the parts of changing the scenes, they were a bit odd. The crew was moving too fast and they seemed like they didn't know where they were supposed to go. Maybe if they were moving slower 

I know I probably should be more critical of the play and say things that can be improved but I truly believe in what I said. It was a fantastic experience and I enjoyed every moment of it.